Im Just Cameron. This is my Blog.

sick of circling the same road,
sick of bearing the guilt
so open the windows to cool off,
and heat pours in instead
im perfect in weakness. im only
perfect in just your strength alone
all my efforts to clean me leave me putrid and filthy
and how can you look at me when i can't stand myself
--flyleaf

So I'm sitting in my room, it's like 9 in the morning and of course im pondering...o the dreaded ponder. I can't sleep lately. There is just something about 5:23 in the morning that wakes me up. No matter what time I go to sleep I wake up at 5:23. It sucks. Come to think of it I didn't go to bed until around 12 yesterday and I woke up at 5:23 pm. hmm something weird about that. Anyway I haven't bogged in a long time. I need to talk about a lot of stuff. I just don't know what it is. I need some1 to sit with me and just let me talk for a couple of hours. I need a shrink. Ha. That would be different. With my luck I would get their and they would tell me that I'm insane and I have to be placed in a really gross colored padded room. Like pee green. Or black. It is my favorite color but I couldn't live in a black room for the rest of my life. Wow I get off topic REALLY easy. SO. My phone is broke. Badly. it started making a really loud noise and it wouldn't stop so I took the battery out and put it back in and it just didn't turn back on. My mom is ordering my new one on Friday. It'll be good to have verizon because every1 else does. I hate centennial. I'm ready for pineywoods. I have gotten to the point where I am tired all the time. Frustrated and pissed off REALLY easy. Maybe I'm pregnant. That's impossible in more than one way. i am sick of looking back on my life al the time and thinking wow i have changed so much and its never a change for the better...i read all of my old blogs and they all say the same thing, that i have fallen and i need to get back up. it seem like a repeting thing that never stops. maybe one day it will? i want it to stop but it seems so hard. im sick of chasing a temporary high all the time. i want the real thing.

ANYWAY...I'm ready to get I'm license. I have my explorer and I want the plastic to let me drive it. I'm kind of hungry. I want to go back to sleep but I cant. I need a refresher course for life. Kind of Like reformatting. OMG, IS IT JUST ME OR WOULD THAT BE AWESOME. Maybe not, if your mistakes make you who you are then I like my mistakes. I'm going to stop writing this blog. Go get some green tea. Peace out homes.

wo...this is really short

...cameron...

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,I
f you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

--Rudyard Kipling

i have a confession to make....for the last 16 years i have been on giant treadmill that scientists like to call "Life". its a disorder called chronic treadmilling. Altho it might sound like a huge problem, its really not. luckally i can diagnose this problem so you can get help. do you ever feel like your CONSTANTLY moving foreward but your not getting anywhere. well you might just be a chronic treadmiller. I KNOW i was shocked at first too. over 300,000,000 americans have this disorder, so you arent alone.

anyway i was just playing around.

where is my life going? im 16 years old and im a freshman in highschool AGAIN. i STILL have not met garry coleman. i only own 5 pairs of pants. my fish is sickly looking. my calender is still on February. i have film i need to develop from LAST year at pineywoods. i prolly have lung cancer. my printer is out of ink. i dont have a drivers liscenze. and my cellphone has ceazures. i find happieness in the misfortune of others. Schadenfreude...its a german word that means malicious pleasure. its wrong but its me.... i wish i was a kid again. we had no worries. we could get happieness from watching a mouse with an increadably high voice play with his dog....quite a few teenagers would claim that alcohol is the only thing that makes them happy. for a little while in my life thats what i would have told you. how in 10 years does one go from watching barney and drinking from a sippy cup to watching movies filled with sex & violence and drinking out of a shot glass? i mean growing up is one thing...and im not saying to go watch barney. but i think i grew up a little too fast. i met a girl yesterday. she has my same PE class but she is at the junior high. she was sitting on the track and somebody said hi to her and she turned around and said "you sorry SOB did i tell you that you could Fing talk to me. F you." i was personally shocked. but when i look back on my life i was just like that in 5th grade. its just weird. IDK... anyway im out...

...cameron...

i feel very...chillaxed...with my life right now. i like how it is. its great. i have no complaints. i do kinda want a car. and a drivers liscenze. but thats not important. i wish weeks went by faster. they will never do that tho.

ONE NIGHT YEAH AND ONE MORE TIME
THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES
EVEN THO THEY WERENT SO GREAT.

buyadictionary. itsjustrandom.

i havent posted a blog in a long time.. like a month or two. now i usually have a motive of sorts for each blog. i really dont have one for this blog. i cant sleep. OMG..this whole time i thought coolio was dead. he is so not. omg. i cant believe this. BRB im gunna go post a bulletin. ok im back. YALL i just coriagraphed 99 red balloons. i wish i had a video camera. i would video blog my ass off. i shouldnt say ass. why do people think its cool to drink coke. NEWSFLASH LITTLE POLAR BEAR: you dont look cool drinking coke. how come when we call some1 and leave them a message we say hey "its me"? ok so they can obviously hear that its you. if you had ANY doubt in your mind that they didnt know who you were than you would say hey "its cameron". i just really find Unnesessary things like that uhh...Unnesessary. for instance. bald people who wash their BALD head with shampoo. shampoo is meant for hair. not wrinkly skin. another example of Unnesessary things: R-kelly. why in the hell do we need a song called you remind me of my jeep. OMG R-KELLY TOLD HIS GIRL THAT SHE REMINDS HIM OF HIS JEEP. how frikin romantic. sorry. i kinda got off topic. ok maybe alot. my keyboard has 2 mute buttons. right next to each other. i have no idea. it must have been a mistake on HP's behalf anyway. one of those buttons is unnesessary. this fishbowl on my desk with water and rocks and no fish in it is...now do i really have to tell you...unnesessary. i miss krystlyn. she would sing none of yo buisness with me. not no mo tho. this is getting long and its getting late. or early. im fixing to make a list of all of the songs that i have listend to while writing this blog. it will be at the end tho. so me and blake are totally going to warped tour. AMERICA F YA. i cant frikin wait. AT ALL. coheed, the used, all time low. plust about 200 more. but no big. i need to check that date and make sure thats not pineywoods. that would be bad. i like dr. hook. ok well i guess ill go now. i CANT sleep tho. so have you ever been sitting their and all of the sudden you got a strong earge to get up and dance? its bad beacsue usually you cant if your in public. in the word of Bro. Mel "sometimes i think weird stuff".. I DO THAT TOO. well im off to upload some dvds to my ipod.
peace out nicka.

...cameron...

song list.
thnks fr th mmrs
coffee shop soundtrack
99 red balloons
shoop
none of yo buisness
dani california
tell me baby
colt 45
the bad touch

hmm i think i might be loosing it all. have you ever felt like everything is going down to a HARD crash to the ground. i get this alot but it always seems to lift back up. I JUST DONT WANT TO FRIKIN WAIT FOR IT TO GO BACK TO NORMAL ON ITS OWN. well its 4 in the morning and i havent slept yet so the chance of me going to church is VERY slim...i dont know why i cant sleep, i woke up at 9 this morning and i didnt go back to sleep so IDK...i have this heavieness on me and it just wont let up. its the little situations, like the one that me and megan talked about(by the way megan i thank god for out 3 hour phone convo because it really helps one out)anyway...its the little situations that make me mad the most. YOU(and you know who you are) try and make my life suck. tell people that you are going to make my life suck. and yes i admit you have. by taking all of my friends away from me. you didnt mean to. but its funny all of the things you could have tried to do wouldnt have nocked me down, but its just the fact that you all have a reason to hate me now and i didnt do crap to any-1 of you..thats the stuff that hurts me the most. i thought you people were my best friends and i could turn to you for anything but i see now that its not true because now when i see you in the hallway and you look at me and keep walking...that doesnt sound like a friendship to me...i thank god for the 3 of you that stuck with me because you have mad it easier for me...but the things i am feeling right now are true and they hurt. i still have friends but yall were my closest. you were my family and this is what i get...i dont understand how just bcause i have a conflict with her yall all have to separate me from your life. is it because you are scared of what she would say about you when your not around. my point = you shouldnt have to worry about a 40 year old woman talking about you. maybe a 15 year old gurl but not an grown woman. im done with that. its over.
next topic.

i need sleep. i might stay up all night and not sleep. sounds good to me. i might fall asleep during church tho. its a chance i will have to take.

i got it all out of my system so now i go.

comment me and i will feel beter about myself.

lovecameron.

B.I.S.N.O.R™

ok so hot hearts was alot of fun and now its over so the fun is over, and back to the real world...so how about we go to blog mode now...
;-)

now that its 2 30 in the morning and im eating cold pizza(FYI i just realized ive eatin nothing but pizza for 2 days) i realize that i cant sleep and i ALWAYS post blogs when i cant sleep...come to think about it i posted a blog about a week ago(to the day)(and hour)...lol...anyway hot hearts...mike satterfieldsteve feemelvin adamsnewsboysjason morantall were ok...mike satterfield(speaker) was good...he really hit home on a few topics that he spoke about. steve fee(worship) was awesome. melvin adams(mc/comedian) was very funny i have to say. NEWSBOYS(friday concert) were GrEaT...i really liked them and i wanna go order one of their cds from amazon. jason morant(saturday concert) was ok but i didnt like them as much as i liked everything else.!.!.!.!.!.!.<- that looks cool. anyway...i have set goals for myself that some may call unrealistic but i will prove to any-1 that they are not...just small things that have became my way of life and i WILL get them out of my life ONCE AND FOR ALL...and most of all im gonna try to fix things with my dad...that will be very hard seeing as my stomach renched when i typed that sentence...he makes me ill and i hate him and how he lives his life...but apparently that is a major issue in my life and i will fix it! i may take time but i really want it! im looking for a new band to listen to because lately i am sick of all of the music that i have on itunes..ipod. im listening to chiodos right now but it gets old fast...i am in a wrestling match with my mind now and for the last couple of weeks...i am struggling to live my life how i really need(and want) to and i seriously believe that my life is meant for so much more that what it is now and i will do what it takes to "achieve" that...
thats all i have to say...
sorry if its hard to follow, my mind is not as sane as it usually is right now...

B.I.S.N.O.R.™

cameron

ps...FYI...Broken In Serious Need Of Repair...

pss...i like this No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is of me, saith the Lord
>Isaiah 54:17

ok so the total offness of this last week is kinda crazy....dont ask me why but its the little things that make the week off...like my phone got turned off for like a day...we ate at wendeys for the first time in like a year...my youth minister and his wife welcomed their first baby into our world...i am no longer a cardinal singer...i went down the fire ascape for the first time(at school)...i drove home from waffle house...and im eating cantalope.

i have no idea what is making me sit here and post this i just found myself typing this thing...i only have 7 blogs and i like to think that my blogs are important...i dont post those random blogs that say things like "im so messed up right now...thats all" no a blog is to important for that...maybe you could use a bulletin to let the world know that you are a drug head...JUST MY OPINION...anywho i think i might go to sleep for a lil bit, but then i wont be able to sleep later and it might suck so i wont wake up for church...OK i wont go to sleep BUT i have to go to sunday school tomorrow because i promiced christy gray...anywho...(WO DEJAVU) so i just took a break to make a few ringtones(ahh piracy) BUT their good and i like them...theese are all of the ringers that i have on my phone

its goin down(megans personal)
over my head(lyndsies personal)
im not ok(voice mail)
prelude 12/21(text ringer)
im melting(in your eyes)
love like winter(main ringer)
miss murder
mr jones
another brick in the wall
little miss cant be wrong
here i go again
Enter Sandman

and thats all...im sick of blogging...so this blog is finished

blog accomp;ishment level -9

cameron!